Meta (verse) comes to the triangle

Are you bored with your average daily life? Do you like playing video games too much? Do you live in the Triangle district?

If you answered yes to these questions, you’re in luck: Meta is coming to the Triangle and will transform what was once a bustling cityscape into a full virtual reality simulation.

Meta, formerly known as Facebook, Inc., is an American technology conglomerate based in California. The company has offices across the country, including major cities like New York, Chicago, Denver, Austin, Seattle and soon our own Durham, bringing with it its national virtual reality program.

A virtual reality simulation might sound scary, but Meta assures us it’s just a glimpse of a future the world is already heading towards. The company is working on a project to create a “metaverse” through the use of virtual and augmented reality, a 3D space where you can socialize, learn, collaborate and play in ways never before imagined. By putting on special headphones or other wearable technology like smart glasses, a severe thunderstorm can instantly become a beautiful summer day, a boring night in your house can become a front row concert with friends, an angry letter from your landlord can become a soothing poem in your hands.

As rumors swirl that Meta is moving to Durham, many locals are concerned about the inevitable and astronomical rise in housing costs already seen with the arrival of other tech giants like Apple and Google. Real estate costs have risen 25.8% since April 2021, according to April 2022 statistics, in part due to the influx of California-based tech companies into the Triangle. While these companies promise to bring thousands of jobs and incomes to our cities, housing prices are only expected to double over the next decade, putting the Triangle on an even faster, toll-free road to cities like San Francisco with an extreme wealth gap. and the homelessness crisis.

But enough of all the whining and back to the exciting stuff: if your real day-to-day life gets too tough because of the arrival of this 600+ billion dollar corporation, you can just snap out of reality and hop into a VR paradise. without money problems to speak of!

According to an inside source (let’s call him Zuck), Meta will start by rolling out massive VR programs one Triangle city at a time. Every resident who lives in these cities and towns will have to buy or rent a $400,000 virtual reality headset. It may seem quite expensive, but with the benefits the metaverse will bring, local leaders promise it will be worth it. Also, this is just the average cost of a helmet – there may be cheaper helmets available to hire or buy (although with Meta’s new office in Durham, prices are expected to rise from here). If you can’t afford this headset, you’ll have no choice but to leave the Triangle and move somewhere without a Meta desk (or cheaper headsets).

Meta’s mandatory VR program will begin to be tamed: everyone in the Triangle will have to enter the metaverse for 10 minutes each day or face hefty fines. But from there, it will escalate into a complete VR takeover, with Meta increasing the requirement from 10 minutes to 45 minutes at a stretch – and eventually most residents will find themselves living in the virtual world more than they live in the real world. Meta wants it that way.

You may ask: how can this happen? Isn’t that unfair to people who can’t afford helmets and are forced to leave their homes and the Triangle? Is Meta trying to brainwash us into being fascinated by a false reality while their company ruins our real reality?

Well, studies show that widespread and mandatory virtual reality simulations make people happier in the long run. Any issues or stressors that seem unavoidable in the real world can easily be eliminated with the help of Meta. For example, instead of going out and worrying about above normal temperatures and extreme weather events induced by climate change, you can just step out into the metaverse and enjoy a cool 78 degree summer day with no heat. suffocating (or suffocating guilt). about the climate injustice currently facing underserved and resource-poor communities. win-win!)

So thank you, Meta. Those of us with the generational wealth who can afford to buy helmets and stay in Durham cannot wait for your arrival in our beloved city. While the real consequences of your arrival will be colossal for many, the world of virtual reality will remain as peaceful and protected as ever, and will brainwash us – I mean, help us forget about the problems plaguing the “real” world. .

In the INDIAIn the category “Best Multi-Billion Company to Turn the Entire Triangle into One Great VR Simulation to Escape the Reality Consequences of Their Actions” this week, let’s just say Meta swept the competition away.

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