The Nurse pt. 2
That night was one of the loneliest of your life. You spent most of it tossing and turning, and trying not to imagine all of the horrible ways your life had changed in an afternoon. How would you hide your diapers? How would you manage your changes? What would your friends and family think? What about women? What would they think of you. Wrapped in your smelly, wet diaper all day, every day. Would they think of you at all any more? You tried to keep that pitiful look Sarah had given you out of your mind, until you were nearly crazy with anxiety, fear, and exhaustion. Is that the only way women would look at you now? Sad, half masked pity.
Every time you felt your eyes close heavy with the promise of sleep, a small warm trickle snapped you back to waking. You spent the dark hours of the early morning straining with all of your might to stop the steady drip, drip, drip of urine into your diaper, but to no avail. It made you furious. You wanted nothing more than to stand up and rip the damn thing off and hurl it at the wall. This whole situation was infuriating! Unfair. Pathetic.
Finally you focused your mind on the muffled hustle and bustle of the hospital hallway outside your doors. The scurrying feet of hospital staff, the wherrs and beeps of the hospital machines, the hushed voices of night shift nurses outside your door. You wondered absently where Sarah was now.
You awoke abruptly to a clatter outside your room. People talked in hurried voices, and you heard scrapes and clanging as whatever fumbled hospital gear was quickly gathered back up.
You rolled over to face away from the door, and were immediately reminded of your new condition. The sagging, bulging diaper between your legs crinkled louder than the plastic hospital bedding. Its massive bulk felt foreign between your thighs, and your most intimate area felt slick, damp and clammy. Worst of all, you felt a horrid sticky, slippery mess between your cheeks as you rotated. It clung tight to your ass and shifted in the seat of your diaper as you rolled. Without thinking you reached down and grabbed at your ass in a panic. Your hands came into contact with the seat of your diaper far sooner than you expected and you felt the luke warm mass press into your ass, spreading into every little crevice it hadn't already occupied. The pressure from your hand emptied the diaper of air, pushing it out the back of the diaper waste-band to fill the tiny hospital room. You nearly gaged as the putrid smell of human excrement, mingled with the sweet aroma of baby powder, filled your nose. You wretched fully at the realization that your entire midsection was now smeared in your own sh*t. You began to pulldesperately at the seat of your diaper, hoping to put some room between your ass and the sticky cake of mud you had produced in the night. But your diaper was too snug, or too full, and each attempt only kneaded the mass within the diaper producing a sickening squelchy feeling against your backside. You wrenched again.
"Knock knock." You heard a soft voice whisper as the door to your room slowly creaked opened.
Fast as you could manage, you rolled back onto your backside, stiff as a board, clutching at your bedding covers and pulling them tight up to your chin. You were almost in too much of a panic to fully register the sickening feeling of excrement reforming itself to your movement, filling the space between your legs and pressing itself tight to the back of your hairless balls. Almost.
You tucked the covers in under your legs hoping against hope that you could contain your stench beneath. You looked up to see Sarah, closing the door behind her, a small plastic tray held high in her hand, as if she were waiting tables, a bundle of clothes was tucked under her other arm.
"Hey Matt! How'd you sleep? Are you ready for breakfast?" She asked, with more cheer than you had anticipated from a nurse at the end of a double night shift.
"Ughhh yeah, sure thing. I slept great! Thank you... uh Sarah! You can umm. Just leave all that there, I'll get it in a bit." You stammered with more cheer than someone in your position ever aught to. Maybe, just maybe, you could get her to leave. Maybe you could avoid a humiliation ten times worse than you had suffered the previous night. Maybe you could save this poor, beautiful woman the indignity of scraping human sh*t out of your useless, weak, mess of an asshole. You had to try. For both your sakes.
"Well I'm glad you were able to catch some sleep in this noisy place. I'm jealous. I hate working nights. I'm so ridiculously tired." She said.
You could believe it. She looked beat, and it seemed her chipper air of professionalism had tarnished somewhat over the course of the night.
"So," she continued, "I'm happy to leave these here," she indicated a tray of breakfast foods, and the bundle you now recognized as the clothes you wore in when you were first admitted yesterday morning, "but... I can't leave without giving you your final examination to clear you for discharge."
"Oh. Yeah, I uh, I forgot." You were leaving. You had almost forgotten.
It hadn't even been 24 hours since you were put under for your 'routine procedure' yet it felt a lifetime. So much had changed in so little time. It all felt so... unceremonious. 'Sorry we f*cked up your life, bye-bye now'. You felt a flash of hot rage cross your face at the thought.
"What? You'd rather stay another night?" Sarah said, raising an eyebrow in jest.
"Ha" you laughed reflexively. It was so hard to concentrate on anything other than the messy diaper between your legs. She seemed... blurry, far away in comparison. Like your mind was trying to block her out. "No, no. I just. You know, I feel fine. Other than... you know." You nod down to indicate the hidden shame you both know was there."
"Yeah. I guess that's definitely going to take some... getting used to, huh?" She said.
"I guess." You said, unable to meet her eyes.
"Well, would you like to have your breakfast first? Or should we get you out of here?"
The thought of eating breakfast while wearing a diaper full of your own sh*t nearly made you wretch for a third time. But you were still determined to get out of here with some tiny, imperceptible, shed of your dignity intact. She would NOT be changing your messy diaper, not if you could help it.
"You know, I'm actually not all that hungry. Let's get checked out."
"Ok! Would you mind sitting up for me? I just need to give you a final once over, then we can get you changed, and if everything looks good we can get you checked out!"
You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and sat up to face Sarah. Big mistake. Your full weight was now perched atop your messy diaper, you could feel the mass inside spread to every remaining unsoiled bit of skin it could contact. You squirmed uncomfortably but the mess persisted.
"Changed? I um, I'm actually pretty good I think."
Sarah pulled a stool up in front of you and slid a blood pressure cuff over your arm.
"Matt, come on. You know it's hospital policy." She said as she began to pump up the sleeve.
"No, I know. It's just, I don't think I need one is all. It can wait until I get home." You said, glancing down at the surprisingly massive bulge of diaper protruding from between your legs. The thin hospital gown did practically nothing to conceal it, and you sheepishly tugged at the gown to better hide the obvious.
"Your blood pressure is a little high." She said absentmindedly.
"Might be I'm a bit nervous..." you said, trying to crack a half grin.
Sarah looked at you. Exhaustion in her eyes. "I'll tell you what." She said smiling up at you. "I just worked a brutal ten hour overnight, and I can't tell if I'm more hungry or tired. After I'm done here, you can change yourself...."
You couldn't believe how happy you were to hear you could change your own diaper. The thought both excited and depressed you.
"... under my observation." Sarah finished sternly.
You were about to protest this humiliating condition but she cut you off.
Sarah softened her tone, "Look, I'm going to level with you. I know this is embarrassing for you, but for me it's just another Tuesday. You're my last patient, and then I'm out of here. But I'll be honest, I'm not exactly thrilled at the thought of finishing this awful shift changing your messy brief. But i'm not going to finish it getting chewed out by my boss either. So, I'll stay here with you and guide you through it, or we can both suck it up and I can change you. What do you say?"
'Soiled brief' she had said. She knew you had messed yourself in the night. She knew you had pooped your diaper, and were wearing it right here in front of her. 'Of course she did' you thought, 'how could she not?'
"Okay." You said, wishing you could shrink into the floor.
"Deal." She said offering her hand. You shook it loosely, feeling a strange excitement at her touch. You were embarrassed that you could only bring yourself to meet her eyes for an instant before glancing away.
"Now just a few more things." She said pulling on some nitrile gloves.
She had you lean forward, and she examined your back, pressing on different areas and inquiring about the pain level. If she hadn't known you'd sh*t your diapers before, she definitely would now, with the whole backside on display. She repeated the tests on your front, even pressing in on the diaper under your gown, by your abdomen. She checked reflexes, the sensation in your feet, and a half dozen other things, scribbling in your chart between procedures. Finally she seemed satisfied.
"Alright Matt, that's it! You'll be happy to hear that for the most part your procedure was a success. You're in very good health. I've scheduled you for a follow up in 6 months, and other than that, let's get you changed and get you out of here!"
'The procedure was a success!?!' You thought. You nearly screamed it. For an instant you were FURIOUS at Sarah. How could she even say that with a straight face. You were practically an invalid. Wrapped in a diaper filled with your own piss and sh*t. And expected to go on living that way. How dare she!
"Hey Matt?" You looked up at her, practically seething, "I hate to ask this, but... are you really not going to eat that?" She asked pointing at the trey of eggs and toast.
Your anger faded. It wasn't her fault you were like this. She didn't f*ck up the surgery, she didn't sign the dotted line below the list of possible surgical complications. She was just a tired young nurse, trying to do her job.
You glanced at the plate of runny eggs, and failed not to think of the consistency of the mess in your diaper.
"Go ahead." You said. Unsure of how ANYONE could eat at a time like this.
"Oh my god, thank you so much. I am starving. The supplies you need are all there under your bed there." She said sitting on the vacant bed in the room and helping her self to the tray. She really did seem to have checked out early you thought.
Slowly, you rose to your feet, feeling the weight of the mess in your diaper shift down between your legs. You felt the full weight of your diaper on your hips for the first time, pulling you down under its own gravity now. You bent down awkwardly to retrieve your supplies, trying not to turn your back to Sarah, and expose your shame.
Once you had gathered everything on your bed she spoke up.
"Ok, first things first." She said in between hurried mouth fulls of egg. "Feel the front of the brief there. See how soft and soggy it feels? I mean, this brief DEFINITELY needs a change, but just pretend, that softness is a pretty good way to tell it's time."
"Ok..." you said awkwardly prodding your diaper beneath your gown. "So do I just lay down?"
"Well, the incontinent parents I work with seem to prefer changing their soiled diapers standing... Opp... I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind me calling them diapers. I'm sorry, I'm just so tired.." she had almost finished her breakfast, you felt like you were about to loose yours.
"No... it's whatever. That's... what they are isn't it?"
"I know, I know. It's just, well we're trained to use the term 'brief' is all. I guess some people find it less..."
"Degrading?" You offered. Sarah blushed and made a sad face. "It's fine." You offered. "It's what they are."
A painfully awkward silence stilled the room for a moment.
Mercifully, Sarah broke it "Anyway, like I was saying. The incontinent people I work with, the ones who are capable of standing on their own anyway, often prefer to change their messy diapers, or briefs, or whatever you want to call them, from the standing position. I think it makes it easier to clean yourself up, but that's totally up to you."
"Ok." It occurred to you suddenly that you had absolutely no idea how to do this. "So just here then?" You asked standing across from her on the far side of the room.
"Yeah, wherever. Oh wait! Don't forget to prep your new diaper, remember?"
You could feel your face turning red as you waddled back to the bed and unfolded your next diaper in front of her. The damn thing was massive, and so so loud.
"And fluff it." She added.
"Like this?" You asked crumpling the diaper back and forth in your hands. You felt like a child, worse than a child. Children didn't wear diapers.
"Yep! That's right. Just break up that padding a bit."
You laid the diaper on the foot of the bed and turned to face Sarah, using your gown to shield your shame as best you could. You could feel your knees shaking as if they were about to give out.
"So now I just... take it off?" You asked.
"Yeah, whenever you're ready... oh wait.." she said, stuffing the last bit of toast in her mouth and placing the empty tray down beside her.
You still couldn't understand how someone could eat in a situation like this. Perhaps she really was just THAT numb to it all. You wondered when that would happen to you, now that this was your life.
"Now I know you don't want to hear this, but this whole thing is going to be way easier for you if you take that gown off."
"What? Why? I'd, rather not if that's ok." Was she trying to humiliate you.
"That's fine by me. I just think it's going to get in your way is all." She said matter-of-factly.
"I'll leave it on." You said, upset to feel the sting of tears on the back of your eyes return now that the moment of truth had come.
You were surprised to realize how much your hands were shaking as you fumbled at the tabs of your sodden diaper. Finally you found purchase and ripped. The sound felt deafening in that tiny room. One, two, three, humiliating rips, and with the final pull you felt the diaper come loose from your body. You caught it awkwardly before it could fall fully under its own weight, and were mortified to feel how much of your own mess still clung to your ass. Worse yet, the putrid smell in the room seemed to double maybe even triple. You felt the tears well in your eyes now, and were unsure if it was from the smell, or from your abject humiliation.
You knelt slowly to lower the horrid thing onto the ground between your feet. Gingerly you began to roll it up, eager to again trap as much of the smell within as you could.
"Wait, wait, no. Leave it open. You'll put your used wipes in there, then close it all up when you're done." Sarah said hastily.
In a state of panic at the sad state of affairs, you slowly righted yourself, and reached to the bed beside you for a wipe. In your haste you lost track of where your gown was, and felt it tug at your neck as it dragged across the open diaper of muck between your feet. You saw the bottom was immediately spoiled, and pulled the first wipe to try and clean it. It swung back as you moved and slapped your leg, marking it with brown. Fully panicking now, you stooped to wipe your ankle, fully draping the gown into the diaper mess.
"Woah, woah, hey." Her voice was gentle. "Take your time. Breathe. You don't have to do this all in under a minute."
Your first tear fell. It landed on the floor just beside your used diaper. Without looking up at Sarah, you took a deep breath, and removed the gown. Soiled as it was, you let it fall to your feet. You stood now before her, completely nude, caked in sh*t, with your used diaper between your feet and tears in your eyes.
"Just start cleaning up." She said gently. "The hard part is over."
You were afraid to speak, less you start crying. You looked down at the disgusting mess at your feet, and at your nudity. You had forgotten you were completely bare down there. Your own genitals lookedforeign to you. Smooth, and glistening wet with piss. You raised your head, and saw her.
She sat patiently on the bed across from you, hands crossed neatly in her lap, her face an absolute study of the word pity. She nodded gently.
You reached for another wipe. You reached it back behind yourself and started to clean. The first wipe came away with nearly a full fist of excrement. You let it fall into the diaper below you. The second wipe was just as filthy. As was the third, and the fourth. You continued to wipe yourself for what felt to be ages. Each time some area seemed to be clean another area was found that seemed untouched. Your back began and thighs began to hurt with the strain as you squatted over the growing pile of dirty wipes. Pee dribbled from your penis as you continued to wipe, missing the diaper completely, and splattering on the ground around it.
"What the f*ck." You whispered to yourself. "What the f*ck." You repeated quietly in between wipes. What had you become? Just a day ago you were a strong independent man. Now you were this... this thing. Hairless, and helpless in all of the most vulnerable ways. More pee fell from your dick, you tried to reposition yourself over the spent diaper, but most still missed. You were crying now.
"Do you... want me to help?" Sarah asked quietly
"No. No, i can do it." You spat with more frustration than you had intended. You could do it. You could change your own messy diaper, and she would watch, with that same heart wrenching look of pity and disgust.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the wipes were coming back more clean than dirty. But you didn't feel clean. You had sh*t smeared across the back of your wiping hand, as you had forgotten your gloves, and you were still coming back with streaks of brown on rags as you struggled to clean your hairless balls. You wondered absently if you would ever feel clean again. Finally, at long last, you were 'satisfied' that you had gotten it all off of yourself. The dirty diaper beneath you was piled so high with dirty wet wipes you doubted you would be able to close it. You used the final wipe to clean off you hands and threw it in the pile. You stooped to roll up the diaper at last.
"How about we just get you in your fresh diaper first? Just in case you have anymore accidents on the floor." Sarah suggested mildly.
You wiped your eyes with your forearm, careful not to touch your face with your hands and examined the damage. You had made a terrible mess. The sh*t filled diaper, soiled gown, and wayward used wipes, laid in a small puddle of urine. It dawned on you Sarah would have to clean that up as her last act of the day.
"Yeah. Sorry Sarah." You sniffled as you walked over to the open diaper on the bed and played down on it.
Eager to end this humiliation and get the f*ck out of there you reached for the powder, but were reminded promptly to complete all the steps.
Better late than never, you dawned a single purple glove and squeezed barrier cream onto your index finger. Trying your best to block out the beautiful nurse in the corner of your eye, you started fingering your asshole with the ointment. It was strange, to say the least, to have lost so much dignity so quickly. You could feel through your glove the tone of your asshole. It felt the same to your finger as you expected it to, you had never had to finger your ass hole much before, but you thought absently that your asshole felt differently, that it didn't feel your finger as you thought it should. Having adequately covered yourself in the sticky, slippery jell, you opened the baby oil and spritzed your cold naked pubic area. Sarah watched wordlessly. Finally the time had come. You were nearly there. You almost looked forward to it, as it signified the end of your ordeals. You opened the baby powder and poured it liberally over your pathetic member, which lulled listlessly in response, releasing another small stream of urine to trickle down your freshly cleaned ball sack and into your diaper. You lifted your legs over your head like a baby on a changing table and covered your ass. Then without bothering to close the bottle you pulled the diaper up over your privates. Were they even 'privates' any more? Were they even YOURS for that matter? You share as sh*t didn't have any control of them. They were now just filthy, leaky things to you now.
Finally hidden from the watchful eye of you observer you breathed a sigh of relief.It was sad to think that being wrapped in a fresh white diaper in front of a beautiful woman was a relief to you now. It was still humiliating, but it wasn't that.
Sarah stood and walked over beside your bed.
"Here, this parts tricky. Let me help." She held your hand as you held the diaper tapes and guided it into the correct position. Her touch felt nearly angelic. A caring, gentle touch in a time you had felt so unlovable. She didn't shy away, or make any indication that she had been disturbed by the whole pathetic disgusting act. She simply helped you tape on your diaper. Then she handed you your clothes
"Here. You get dressed. I'll clean this up."
"No, I can do that."
"It's my job Matt, I don't mind."
You couldn't watch as she pulled on her gloves and fell to her knees to began the work of cleaning up your shame. Instead you pulled on your boxers in a hurry, and found they did nothing to cover the diaper waste-band or conceal the bulge. Are you even supposed to wear boxers now? You didn't ask, but quickly pulled on your pants. Anything to cover this f*cking thing. To your dismay, your pants felt about two sizes two small. You had to struggle and shift to pull the back over the puffy ass of your new underwear. Your quiet grunting was accompanied by loud obnoxious crinkles the entire time. Ones up around your waist, you then hade to fight the zipper, pushing down on the crotch of your diaper just to get it closed. The resulting look would have been comical if it weren't that YOU were the one wearing it. Your crotch bulged out unnaturally, and you could only guess what your ass looked like. A ring of blinding white plastic ringed your torso around your belt, making it perfectly clear to any and all that you were wearing a diaper. You threw on your t-shirt just as Sarah finished dumping the last of your mess in the bin by the door and tying the bag closed tight.
She turned around and took a long look at you.
"Feeling better?" She asked.
"Uhh." What could you say? "Yeah. Thank you."
"Good! You look better! You're a pretty handsome man Matt." She said with a smile.
"Oh, yeah. Thank you." You felt like you were being talked down to by an elder, rather than genuinely complemented by a beautiful woman.
"Well. Let's get out of here shall we? You'll want to meet up with reception. They're down the hall on the left. They'll get you sorted with your supplies and prescriptions." She said opening the door. "And Matt, you're going to be fine. The first diaper change is always the worst. Eventually it'll become second nature, and you won't even think about it. So stay positive, ok? Maybe I'll see you around sometime."
You shook hands in the hallway. You couldn't find the words to say goodbye. Just a single nod. And she was gone.
"Eventually you'll get used to it." She had said. It dawned on you this wasn't some horrible event that only happened to you that one time. This was your life now. THAT is how you go to the bathroom now. THAT is something you will do every single day. You piss and sh*t in your diapers now, and you always will.
You turned and headed down the hall. You didn't even try to hide your awkward diaper waddle. You couldn't if you tried.
"This is your life now". You thought, as warm urine flooded the puffy plastic padding between your legs. "And you'd better get used to it."
If you enjoyed this story, please consider submitting more photos of "the nurse". Anything will do. I have one or two more myself but nothing I can work with at the moment. So please help.
hope you enjoyed.
thank you.
